( she's growing a tolerance: the sort of tolerance it takes to be around people like cloud and not get upset, to face blunt words and even blunter actions with a smile of understanding, an air of nonchalance, tempering down any kneejerk reaction to take things personally or too painfully. she's never really been that sort of person, the kind that's easily chased off, the kind that doesn't stick heels into mud and refuse to budge. she doesn't take a lot of things personally; she doesn't let them get to her, at least not in front of the person. slowly, those things pile up inside of her, behind a wall, perceived only by herself and no one else.
but tonight is the kind of night where she fumbles, a little. maybe it's because tifa isn't coming back, and with it comes a whole domino effect of bad things that she has to try to anticipate and fix. maybe it's because she's already in over her head with the liquor. maybe it's because she'd called midousuji to sit on this roof with her, and not someone else. but the weight of his words, and how easily he picks at her own, knocks holes into them and tears at the stitching of them, makes them seem stupid and even ridiculous: it makes her go unnaturally silent, lips pressed together, head bowing with a nod.
he asks if she's aware of how she affects people, and the question feels strange: how does she affect people? that's never really been something that she's considered before: it's always been just the idea that her worth centers around being the last of her kind, and that that is what drives people to do things around her. nothing more, nothing less. )
No, I guess I'm not.
( simply, honestly. and he said he wouldn't rescue her, wouldn't be able to catch her because he's clumsy or because he can't or doesn't want to? or maybe that's just the way she's convoluting it. either way, it means that she's bringing her knees up, pushing palms to the roof to get herself onto her feet; she wobbles a little, catching herself with one step forward. )
How do I affect you, then?
( is that her return question? or what? she doesn't go for the bottle: she goes for the slight space on the roof in front of them, walking one foot in front of the other like she's on a balance beam, heading for the edge but certainly not stupid enough to walk right off of it. )
no subject
but tonight is the kind of night where she fumbles, a little. maybe it's because tifa isn't coming back, and with it comes a whole domino effect of bad things that she has to try to anticipate and fix. maybe it's because she's already in over her head with the liquor. maybe it's because she'd called midousuji to sit on this roof with her, and not someone else. but the weight of his words, and how easily he picks at her own, knocks holes into them and tears at the stitching of them, makes them seem stupid and even ridiculous: it makes her go unnaturally silent, lips pressed together, head bowing with a nod.
he asks if she's aware of how she affects people, and the question feels strange: how does she affect people? that's never really been something that she's considered before: it's always been just the idea that her worth centers around being the last of her kind, and that that is what drives people to do things around her. nothing more, nothing less. )
No, I guess I'm not.
( simply, honestly. and he said he wouldn't rescue her, wouldn't be able to catch her because he's clumsy or because he can't or doesn't want to? or maybe that's just the way she's convoluting it. either way, it means that she's bringing her knees up, pushing palms to the roof to get herself onto her feet; she wobbles a little, catching herself with one step forward. )
How do I affect you, then?
( is that her return question? or what? she doesn't go for the bottle: she goes for the slight space on the roof in front of them, walking one foot in front of the other like she's on a balance beam, heading for the edge but certainly not stupid enough to walk right off of it. )